I recently married a man who cheated on his wife to be with me. Our relationship has lasted eight years and is the best one I have been in. The reason we waited to get married was simply being comfortable living common law for six years. Me, him, and the ex-wife work at a hospital in three different departments. I had admired him two years when he approached me at a bar one night. I had just ended a relationship and was weak. His wife found out about us four months into the affair by his cell phone records. I understand her being bitter. She went around at work telling everyone and anyone that I was sleeping with her husband. The embarrassment and pain of tarnished reputations brought me and him closer because she also harassed me and spread lies about me sleeping with several men at work. I started to feel justified about hurting her and continued to see him. She then told his Mama and the rest of his family about our relationship. Then our affair slowed down and he made an unannounced effort to save his marriage for about one month. During this time she still harassed me with phone calls even when they went out of town. I really did not care about him trying to make his marriage work and as a matter of fact I admired his efforts to resume the commitment. After that didn't work he started seeing me again she became more bitter and tried to fight him. They both were arrested for domestic disturbance and that’s when he moved in with me. He wasted no time introducing me to his family and friends. They have been fair towards me, even one sister who is best friends with his ex. Until now I have been attending church with him. His sister and his ex attend this same small church. At first his ex started speaking to me at church and other places we ran into each other. The one day his sister asked if I planned to be me a member of this church. When I told her I was considering it, she told me to wait. When I asked why, she said “just wait.” A couple of days later his ex told him that I had been talking about her. His sister and I have never discussed anything about her. My husband then said that his sister must have told her this, he then said his sister despises me. After this he and ex stopped speaking . He insist on me joining the church with him. It’s a hard decision for me, not only is there now mess and lies but everyone in this small church already know we had an affair. Not to mention what other lies the ex has told. The pastor was asked to counsel my husband when we were having an affair. After we were married the pastor and I were introduced. I attended several times since and the pastor has not greeted me since. I am feeling shunned and want my husband to understand why we should join another church together. He doesn’t want to because half of the congregation are family in this church which was founded by his great, great grandfather. Please advise.
Posted June 18th, 2014 @ 9:33am